week eight

this week, an english lady from mombasa named karin came to speak about plumbline (aligning your life to Gods standards) & inner healing. the teachings were really good. she started the topic of inner healing with the picture of a tree with roots that are bad, like rejection, fear, bitterness, guilt, improper imaging from parents which results in people that hide and have inner turmoil and are confused, and produces fruit like low self-esteem, self-pity, judging others, anger, control, hatred, addiction, etc etc. that was a really helpful picture for me. i realized that i really have an unhealthy fear of displeasing God, failing Him, or making any kind of commitments (ie getting stuck). she spoke also on strongholds, which starts with a thought and ends up in a lifestyle or something that defines me. she also talked about renewing our minds. it starts with offering yourself as living sacrifice; voluntarily climbing on that altar, with nothing belonging to me anymore. then rejecting the worlds values and what it says is right or wrong, then putting off the old and putting on the new, then moving into freedom by putting off strongholds, then receiving it! its a process, like anything else.

ive chosen again and again to forgive the people that have hurt me, and my friend gladis & i prayed & chose to walk in freedom of insecurity from now on, taking captive those thoughts & making them obey Christ (which is by far the hardest part).
this week, ive had doubts about my spiritual growth or health or whatever, which can start eating me up if i let it. after talking to my friend patra, i just laid on the grass outside and gave up. i decided to quit striving (again) and start resting, whatever that means.

also, i got to pray for one of my friends here about forgiving her dad, and the Spirit really showed up. it was really awesome to see her get released & healed. it was great to be able to speak Truth over her and see the effects of it. it was a real beautiful thing.

by the end of it, she illustrated another tree. one rooted & grounded in Christ's Love. (eph 3:17) where i am valuable, guilt-free, accepted, unique, secure, loved and learning to live in the Spirit, relaxed, and the fruits are (gal 5:22) love, patience, self-control, faithfulness, goodness, joy, etc. i really desire to live like this. really really.

then, on the weekend, i went with susan to kibera. we spent the day with boaz. we went to christine's, jane's, johnston's, and his houses. i got to spend time with mama boaz and she explained how every now and then she packs up everything and travels back to her village in western kenya whenever she cant make money here. then, when she needs money there, she comes back to kibera to move in again and try to find a new job. what a hassle! i hate how everything is dictated by money. cant escape it.

while i was visiting christine, she explained how her house burnt down in an electrical fire and her 4 year old brother was killed right in front of her. that was the beginning of this year. she failed her exams and chose to repeat class 8 (for the third time) and her sister was really struggling to provide food for the family. i just wish there was more that i could do than just pray. but, i did what i could. i tried to explain that its okay to feel hurt and pain, that we have to be honest with God and be healed that way. i also prayed like i meant it.

anyway, then i saw jane who is going to kenyatta university and staying in a hostel in nairobi. ive missed her.

all things considered, it was great to be back in kibera. i missed it. one thing i have noticed and heard said by many kenyans is that it is becoming like a tourist attraction for mzungu humanitarians now a days. there is still a huge disconnect between the people in kibera & the people in nairobi though. two seperate worlds. and i see a sense of dependency on westerners really perpetuated there. not so much empowerment of the youth, which i think is key.

yes, long week.