week two

essentially, things are looking up.
last weekend, i went to karin's house and relaxed with her and her family. i also used the wifi. it was a nice, quiet time. then on sunday, i went to a vineyard church and a java house in nairobi with other mzungus. that was really nice to be able to spend all day relating well to the people i was with. coming back to the base, i realized how much i like the people im with. i actually missed them. and even though we were only apart for 2 days, it was like a reunion when we all returned.
i was reminded of how God is faithful, and He answers prayers. He has most definitely been unifying us in our faith. even through our time apart.
then, on monday our speaker came. his name was ezekiel. he spoke on joshua 6:1-7. how the soldiers were told to march around Jericho for seven days in silence. they didnt see results. they didnt even see a crack. some of them probably thought what they were doing was useless, but then on the seventh day, it all happened at once. they claimed the land and victory was won. that message was for me. God told me to keep pressing on, not to lose heart, because He is faithful and results will come in due time.
anyway, that was the start of my week. it was good.
during the week, ezekiel discussed quiet times, hearing God's voice, praise & worship, and prayer & intercession.
ive learned a lot about my God and myself and my walk with Him.
the topic that really spoke to me the most was praise and worship. ezekiel said, "worship is a gift that we give to the Lord." its something completely selfless and meant to bless Him and move His heart. i never thought about it like that.
one morning, God told me through eph. 1 that the only reason i was chosen and adopted is for the praise of His glorious grace. honestly, that messed me up. i used to have this perception of God like prideful, arrogant, greedy. i openly admitted to Him that He has all right to be that way, obviously, but that if that is His character, im not sure i want to worship Him. i hate pride in myself & others, why would i want to see that in my God? now, i realize that me saying or thinking this at all was extremely bold and out of place and probably spoken out of pride in the first place, but i told Him anyway. He told ezekiel to tell me this: "abby, I am smiling on you. you are special. I'm not like that; I'll show you." God is secure, He can handle my doubt and my questions. i am doing my best to truly worship Him, even when i dont know Him all that well. i know that He is giving me grace, and loads of mercy. He loves me despite all that is inside of me. and He takes all of me, excluding nothing. that in itself deserves some worship. i know that He will show Himself as He really is if i continue seeking His true nature and character.
also, God has exposed a lot of other things inside of me that are/were hindering me from truly surrendering and praying in faith.
most of all, He is teaching me to sit in the incomplete-ness. i am not finished yet, but that is okay. He takes His time, but His time is always perfect and i know that. this sums it up so well. kendra sent it to me:

"Above all, trust in the slow work of God.
We are quite naturally impatient in everything
to reach the end without delay.
We should like to skip the intermediate stages.
We are impatient of being on the way
to something unknown,
something new.
Yet it is the law of all progress that is made
by passing through some stages of instability
and that may take a very long time.
And so I think it is with you.
Your ideas mature gradually. Let them grow.
Let them shape themselves without undue haste.
Do not try to force them on
as though you could be today what time
-- that is to say, grace --
and circumstances
acting on your own good will
will make you tomorrow.
Only God could say what this new Spirit
gradually forming in you will be.
Give our Lord the benefit of believing
that his hand is leading you,
and accept the anxiety of feeling yourself
in suspense and incomplete.
Above all, trust in the slow work of God,
our loving vine-dresser.
Amen."

so that is where i am right now, spiritually.

although all of the students are getting along a lot better this week, there are still some differences and difficulties.
the way that people worship is really different. it is very loud, very emotional. ive heard people speaking in tongues and wailing and screaming prayers. the way in which i worship is very quiet, so this has been pretty shocking. ive been struggling to concentrate during times of worship. its hard to focus in these situations.
also, conversations are still very surface level. but i have realized its because these people are taught not to feel very deeply, so its like their own feelings arent even available to be talked about. im not sure what to do- if anything- with that. just trying to relate to them on their own level.

basically, its all good.

penda.

week one

going to try to make this short and sweet, but that will be hard. bear with me.

so, the plane ride here. talked to a woman from india who was born hindu but encountered Christ and now follows Him. she was on her way to a Christian womens conference in New Delhi, i think. her story was encouraging and challenging. on the second ride, met a woman from alabama going to eldorat, which is a village in kenya. she was doing missions also. i had sinus problems, and i thought my eardrums were going to explode. but, the didnt. hallelujah. on the way, God wrote me this letter from isaiah 41-44:

"I took you from the ends of the earth, from its corners I called you. I said, "you are my servant, abby". I have chosen you, not rejected you. so don't fear, I am with you, dont be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen & help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. "I myself help you" says the Lord, the Holy One, the Redeemer. I will lead the blind by ways you dont know, along unfamiliar paths I will guide you. I will turn darkness into light before you and make the rough places smooth. these are things Ill do, I wont forsake them. I have summoned you by name, abby, you. are. Mine. since you are precious & honored in My sight, and because I love you, I will exchange nations for you. bring my daughters from the ends of the earth- everyone who is called by name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed & made. you are my witness and my servant whom I've chosen. I have revealed, saved, proclaimed. no one can deliver you out of My hand, abby. when I act, who can reverse it? forget the former things, do not dwell on the past. see? I am doing a new thing! now it springs up, do you see it? I am making a way in the wilderness, and streams in the wasteland, to give my people, my chosen, the people I formed for Myself that they may proclaim My praise. I will pour out My Spirit on you, you will say: "I belong to the Lord!" and youll write on your hands: "The Lord's". 

Love, Papa "

talk about an affirmation of my call. God Himself wrote me a dang letter. sweet.

i got here, not knowing what to expect. the toilets are outhouses. the showers are a bucket and some water. there is no AC or heater. the kitchen is relatively small. there are dorms, and houses with families. the athi river base is basically a compound that serves many different purposes, DTS is just one of them. there is 70 acres, mostly bushbush. meaning, wildnerness. basically, dry grass and acacia trees and thornbushes and bugs. im told that in the morning there are giraffes and zebras, but im not buying it. 

saturday & sunday i spent just getting used to the base and getting to know the staff & the other students. there are 21 students here. most of them kenyan, a nigerian, a guy from cameroon, another american (indiana), a jamaican (living in sweden). on staff there is kenyans, dutch people, swiss people, and a rwandan. by now, we all know eachother by name. and everytime someone passes, there is always a sincere "how are you?" or "habari yako?" all of the staff here has dedicated literally their whole lives to the Great Commission and to discipling us. thats challenging. 

the usual days look like this: wake at 630. bfast at 7 (bread & tea). quiet time in the bushbush after bfast. worship or prayer or small group at 830. lecture at 10. tea break. more lecture. rest. lunch (rice & vegetables). rest. work duty (cleaning, cooking, chopping wood) from 2:30-4:30. showers/laundry. dinner at 6 (rice/ugali and vegetables/beans & fruit!) then, at 8 we usually have some sort of a meeting or worship or discussion. bed by 1030 usually. the mornings & nights are perfect, while the middle of the day is joto sana (real hot).

i took rosetta stone swahili last year, so i know basically a third of what they are saying, but speaking it is a different story. the africans are helping me with it though. they are quite patient, really. when they are speaking to each other, they speak swahili. but if there are mzungus around, they usually stick to english. 

but, that doesnt mean we communicate very well. i must initiate most conversations, which is uncomfortable. and even then, 99% of my interactions with people in the past week have been surface level. thats been hard. i didnt know that the community i was in played such a huge role in my walk with Christ. its getting harder & harder to really invest in people and care about people as they days go by. 

i have school work to do. reading the book of titus this week & taking notes. also, reading "is that really you God?" by loren cunningham (founder of YWAM) and a book report due in a month. in my quiet times, ive been reading isaiah and 2 peter though. 

things are very, very different here. in some ways, i cant even put my finger on it. yes, its different to have to wash dishes and clothes by hand and pee in a hole in the ground and swat flies off of my head all day long, but that doesnt effect me very much. whats really been challenging for me is the way that they relate to God is different. the worship is full of shouting, dancing, jumping, etc. very charistmatic. the 2 big denominations here are pentecostal and catholic. i think that this kind of worship is pentecostal. they do sing some songs in english, like 'this is the air i breathe' and 'open the eyes of my heart'. chris tomlin hasnt made it big time over here yet. at the end of each song, they all pray loudly korean style. i have gotten more used to it, and ive met the Spirit a couple of times during worship. 

the way they talk about God and pray to God is very expectant, like not only is He able, but He is also willing. within context. He is willing to do things for the sake of Christ.

now, as far as my time with God. its been a challenge. this kind of faith they have, the kind of undignified worship they have has really challenged me. the fact that He has called me here and i have been kinda miserable is really messing with my head. but i choose to believe He is good. im struggling to really have faith in that "exceedingly abundantly" part, though. sometimes He calls us to miserable things, but these things are supposed to be fulfilling, sindiyo? because we are fulfilling His purpose and His call. honestly, i dont feel fulfilled. but the Holy Spirit has been teaching me to be patient with myself and with Gods work in me and around me. "a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years like a day to the Lord." yeah. 

He showed me yesterday that if He is big enough to breathe out suns, if His hand is the size of the universe, then surely He can be trusted with my life.

sometimes i fall into thinking.."crap..what if God wants me here forever?" that overwhelms me, and i know i should take it one day at a time. but when i do get ahead of myself, the conclusion i come to is that it would be worth it. He has been teaching me to number my days, that a lifetime of suffering is nothing compared to eternal rejoicing. its definitely worth it, if God wants me to. i am just working off the faith that it will be a fulfilling work. 

i dont know how to explain it really. but to sum it up, i think i am walking by faith, definitely not by sight. but that doesnt mean that i didnt wish i saw some results every now and then. but i am trying to be patient with that also. 

i think i covered everything. sorry if i didnt. only 11 more weeks! then 8 more weeks! then maybe home...then maybe back for the rest of my life...sawa.

penda. 

my email is abby51259@yahoo.com

ps, hopefully you can derive my prayer requests from this information..but if not:

-unity. that the blood of Christ would overpower the different cultures and languages and truly unite us. that we would be able to get out of our boxes and love eachother deeply, considering one anothers needs more important than our own. 

-knowing God. for who He really is, not who i think He is. that my mind and heart would be expanded to let more and more of Him in. that i would be able to hear Him speaking in my quiet times and lectures, however simple they may be.

-equipped. that i would cling to the promise that the Holy Spirit would equip me for each day. i literally do not want to waste another day here. i want all of His eternal purposes to be fulfilled in my life. 

please tell me how to pray for you. 

my bed: 

 my stuff: