so, ive been here for about a week now.
heres what i do during the day: read my Bible, pray, cook lunch & sometimes dinner, exercise, paint a room on the base, sometimes work on my personal art.
things around here have been somewhat chaotic because tim got malaria last week, and jackie has been really busy with him and all of her other responsibilities. so ive just been trying to be a blessing and help her take care of things. im glad ive been able to come help at all- they are quite tired.
Gods been teaching me to be more disciplined in prayer. i realized whenever i got here that i only pray for like 5 minutes a day. ive been reading in some of CS Lewis' essays about how prayer is a form of work because it produces a result in the same way that physical action does. for instance, the doctors work and physically do surgery, and people pray and God works through that. although i dont quite understand all of the inner workings, i do know that its something God wants me to do. so ive been doing that, and its been challenging but good. its really hard to sit down and focus, and its even harder to realize who it is im talking to most of the time.
prayer sometimes can be so automatic and shallow, because ive learned all the right phrases. but to really sit, to be silent for a bit and let your heart be moved about whatever or whoever you are talking about- that is real prayer. it takes time, and energy. but its worth it. God rewards those who pray. i have to keep remembering that.
ive also been learning about how the unity of the Church is more important to Jesus than almost anything else- which is really worth remembering in this cross-cultural setting. here there are ugandans, rwandans, tongans, british, swiss, german...and we all sing different songs and prefer different preachers and interpret scripture differently, but its key to remember that we are One in Christ. i know that in my head, but it hasnt necessarily reached my heart yet. although i hope it does soon.
"Paul was devoted to the Person of Jesus, not to a cause." thats been a huge deal in my life. ive always wanted to be mother teresa, to serve the poor, to essentially be a humanitarian. but im realizing Christians arent called foremost to be humanitarians- but to belong wholly to Christ. thats been a hard realization to come to.. but a relieving one. because i realize that i cant carry out anything good or worthwhile on my own, and even if i could..it wouldnt count for anything when He comes back, so it doesnt matter anyway. all things center on and revolve around and point to Christ Himself.
we spend so much time talking about God and reading about God, etc. that we forget that He actually exists. that He actually hears us, that He has feelings and is doing things and thinking things. atleast i forget that very often, and oftentimes it takes a few minutes looking at the sky to remind me that im really not alone, that He is real even if i cant see Him. and that i should think more about what i say to Him and about Him..hah. but seriously.
i also listened to the latest sermon from stone, and that was really convicting. idolatry is whenever our heart values anything more than God Himself. i am an idolater. everyday, i pursue things i think will satisfy me more than Him. i chase after those things with all i have. and ill either spend my whole life chasing, or ill actually get it and dive into an even deeper despair because i realize that it really doesnt satisfy. because the reality is that it wont, because God put eternal desires only for Him in my heart. so He, inevitably, is the only One that will satisfy them. whether i believe it or not, its true. that hit hard, because i also realized that Jesus doesnt come and destroy my idols for me, but He shows me what they are and asks me to do it myself, with His help- through continual repentance. its a daily struggle.
another thing i realized...i think too much. i can stress over my own spiritual growth so much, when really its in Gods hands. so i should just focus on the simple things that i know: love God, love people. and leave the rest to Him. amen.
so those are a few things ive learned.. im praying for everyone back home! and missing home a lot, actually. which is a good thing. i still dont know whats next, but He'll let me know when He wants me to know.
today, i went to a nearby prison to teach the women there with a few other people from the YWAM evangelism team here. that was really nice, i enjoyed it a lot. i think ill be doing more of that, as well as more painting around the base.
love yall.
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