i have been getting loads of blessing and encouragement the past few weeks.
i recently sent out the last of my support letters. i felt pretty weird about it because asking people for money has always been relatively uncomfortable.
now, whenever i think about kenya it is more in regards to all of the logistics. i try not to have expectations, because i dont want to risk putting God in a box.
but, i have been hearing a lot about YWAM lately, and everything i hear has been really positive. i will show you that, but first..let me show you the relation between my prayers and things i have heard about DTS.
some excerpts and prayers from a few months ago:
Nov 6 "i want to be free. i want to look back from my deathbed and be more sure than ever that God is exceedingly, abundantly, more than i could ever ask or hope for."
Nov 13: "Father, please become personal. swing low to meet me here."
Nov 14: "i just wanna see the Truth, and i want it to set me free- even though i hardly know what that means sometimes. if God is all these things- if He can be condensed to some figment of my imagination- dictated by doubt and emotions, i want nothing to do with Him. everything within me longs for a God that is exceedingly, abundantly more than i could ask or hope for. a God who doesnt need me but chooses to use me anyway. a God full of understanding and true compassion. a God who rights all wrongs. a God who i can truly rely on for food and safety. a God with endless grace for my seemingly endless sin. a God who truly sets me free. who changes everything. who is enough. one who can stoop down to my level. God, who are You? how can i know You, really? i want to hear from You in undeniable, earth-shattering ways."
some things said regarding DTS from a few girls i know that did it:
"DTS has completely changed my everything. In the most brilliant way possible. If I were to list everything God has done you would have a ridiculously long long message. One of the things he's done is shown me who I am, and who I'm really meant to be in him. When I came into DTS I struggled with insecurity, but now I'm not. I still struggle, but God has really set me free. It's like every area in my life that I think I'm good in, God just shows me he has better, and every area I know I need work in God brings breakthrough. He's been so faithful to me. It's just such an amazing time of meeting with him and getting to know him. He's so much more real to me now than ever before and I know life won't be the same ever again. It's turned into an intimate relationship, he's my best friend now!"
"It's so hard to even express what God did for me and can do at a place like that. I mean, you are living and breathing the spirit 24/7. You are given nothing but time to seek him, focus on him, worship him, be molded by him. It's insane. All I can really say is that my view of God was thrown into the air and blasted with a rifle. In a good way. My relationship with him is unique. It's real. I know my God. I don't know the church's God, or my parent's God ... Or even the girl who befriended me. My God is personal and no one can take him from me"
God has been doing a lot inside of me lately. He has been showing me His heart little by little lately, and that has caused a good amount of growth already. but something inside of me says that this trip to kenya will be somewhat of a spiritual growth spurt. and this is what i have been longing for lately. a big change. in location. of heart. all of it. i am ready for something new and fresh and challenging.
God uses the broken, He uses the ones that humbly admit their shortcomings and sins and failures and beg for help. this is where i have been for months. i have been struggling with and surrendering judgment, depression, insecurity.
also my sweet friend, faith is organizing a benefit concert for me on january 14. i am kind of skeptical solely because the last benefit concert that me and taylor tried to put on really didnt end up being that effective. but, Jehovah Jireh! i have heard story after story of His financial provision in His own timing, and how He stretches His children to trust Him. so, i suppose that is what is happening here. (: if you want more info on it check it out here:
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=181813218509608
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